


Drugs & Candy

by JaybirdBlue



Category: Thunderbirds, Thunderbirds (2004)
Genre: (minor) use of drugs, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Stress, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaybirdBlue/pseuds/JaybirdBlue
Summary: Alan is dealing with the pressure of being the youngest in a family of overachievers.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this is my first time posting something I have written. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Thunderbirds. All credit to the great Gerry Anderson. The story is mine though.

Alan Tracy slowly opened his eyes. He noticed the sunlight peeking along the lines of the roller blinds. He lazily closed his eyes again. Was it morning already? He needed at least three more hours of sleep. What day is it anyway? As his brain started to power up, his eyes flew back open with the realisation that it was monday, a school day! He quickly got up and grabbed his phone to check the time. 6.55. Phew, he hadn’t overslept. In fact he woke up 20 minutes before his alarm would go off. Well, he better just get out of bed now. He could have another look at his maths before the test. Quietly, as to not wake Fermat, he got out of bed and sneaked into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, he was searching for some books he needed for his classes. It was a little hard to find them since the blinds were still closed, given that Fermat was still asleep. Alan turned around to grab his backpack and in the process accidently knocked over some school supplies from the desk. As they fell on the ground with a bang, he internally cursed himself. He heard a groan from the direction of Fermat’s bed.

"Alan?" a sleepy voice said, "what happened?"

"Sorry, Fermat, I knocked over some stuff".

"It’s okay, sounded the reply as Fermat looked on his watch. I needed to wake up any minute now anyway."

Alan smiled at his always understanding friend. "Well, I’m heading out now anyway, so I won’t be able to bother anymore." Alan swung his backpack on his back. "See you in class," he called over his shoulder as he left the dormroom. Ten minutes later he was in the library with a cup of coffee. He was careful to make sure that the librarian didn’t see him enter with a drink. That man will not even let you enter if you’re chewing gum. He opened his maths book and went to work. He really wanted to ace this test. Especially since he knew that he could do it if he just put in the work.

\----------

Alan left the classroom while rubbing his eyes with his left hand.

"How did it go?" Fermat’s voice came from the right.

"Fine, I think. Some questions I knew for sure, others not really."

"Given your previous marks, I think you did fine," Fermat tries to reassure his friend.

"Thanks dude," Alan smiled sincerely. Damn he was tired.

"Maybe now that this test is out of the way, you can catch up on some sleep, Fermat teased, you look like a zombie."

Alan elbowed him. "Excuse me, I look like a greek god, thank you very much!"

"Sure and I’m a thunderbird," Fermat winked.

"Come on, let’s get lunch. I’m starving."

\----------

The ringing of his cell phone disturbed Alan from his homework. He looked and saw that it was John. He was probably just bored up in five and looking for a conversation. Alan had better things to do and didn’t feel like talking anyway. He pressed the ignore button and switched his phone to silent and continued with writing his essay for english. He stared at the screen and sighed. He pushes himself up from his chair and fishes a can of soda from his bag. This should have keeping his mind awake. He thinks back to the commend that Fermat made earlier on the day. Catch up on some sleep. He did in fact had a point but Alan simple didn’t have the time for relaxation. Beside, spring break was just around the corner. He just needed to keep this up a little while longer. A hour later he leaned back in his chair and reads what he has written. Okay, not bad for a first draft. Do some rewrites, maybe have Fermat read it and give some feedback. Alan looks away from his laptop and picks up his phone. Crap! Two more missed calls, one more from John and one from his dad and three messages from the same people. He contemplates which one he should call back. Eventually he decides to send John a message back, saying he is busy and let him inform dad. Unfortunately, his attempt to avoid calling his family is not as successful as he had hoped. Given that John calls him back not even one minute after his message. With a sigh Alan answers his phone.

"Having trouble reading, John?" He greets his brother.

"Well hello to you too, John replies while pretending to sound offended. And I figured that after 9 o’clock in the evening you would be done with your homework."

"Yeah I’m done for tonight," Alan lied.

"So, how’s it going?" John inquiried. Alan tells John about his maths test and that asks how it’s going on Tracy Island, steering the topic of conversation away from himself and his well-being. "It’s kinda quiet, John relays. We haven’t had a single rescue in almost a week. Dad loves it, says he can finally catch up on all his from Tracy Industries."

"Yes, sounds like fun," Alan retorts sarcastically.

"Hey, I’ve got to go, there is a call coming in, good luck with the rest of the week."

"Yeah you too."

\---------

After being kicked out of the library at 10.15 PM, Alan drags himself back to his dorm. As he walks around the corner of the hallway, he bumps into someone. The force causes him to drop the books he was holding. He looks at the person walked into. It was Jason. He has a couple of classes with him and occasionally hangs out with him. He can be a bit of a brat sometimes but overall a nice guy in Alan’s opinion. Both boys bend down to pick up the fallen books.

"Thanks," Alan tells him as Jason hands him two notebooks.

"Heading to bed? You look like you need." Damn, that was the second person to tell him that today.

"Uhm, yeah." Alan awkwardly replies. Maybe he should just call it a night.

"Were you studying late again?"

Alan looks at him confused. How does he know that?

"I’ve seen you in the library and common room til late a couple of times. When I do the same thing," Jason explained. "So is it your father or are you working to get into the university that you want? It’s always one of those two," Jason grinned.

The question completely caught Alan of guard. "Uhm, I uh-"

"Ah, so it’s your father. Nerds usually immediately start ranting about Harvard or something."

Alan still doesn’t know what to say and just stands there with his books in his arms. "Oh," is all he can manage.

"Look, I won’t keep you up any longer. Just let me know when you need some help with managing it all," he winks at Alan and walks away from him.

Alan just keeps standing there for a few seconds, processing what had just happened before he commands his body to move again. Upon entering his room, he thinks about what Jason said. _Just let me know if you need some help with managing it all._ How can he help? Make his homework for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that Fermat has a stutter but I do not consider myself to be capable of writing a realistic stutter. So I have decided to leave it out.
> 
> This chapter was a bit slow. I was mostly setting the story up here. The next chapters should be more interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next few days, Alan sees Jason again during physics and PE but neither of them bring the conversation back up they had that monday evening. Not until friday. It’s around 8 pm and Alan is sitting in the common room with his laptop working on a history report. Fermat was sitting opposite him playing a game in his laptop with his headphones on. Alan looked slightly jealous his friend’s headphones. There was quite some background noise and he wished he had brought his too. Suddenly someone dropped himself on the couch next to him. It was Jason.

“Making homework again?”, he opens the conversation.

Alan slightly closes his laptop. “Yeah,” there is no point in denying it.

“The offer still stands, you know.”

Alan adjusts his position so that he is facing Jason. “Yes, what did you mean with that?”

Jason laughs. “You’re cute Tracy. I meant drugs,” he then bluntly says.

Alan fails spectacularly at hiding his shock. This made Jason laugh even harder. Alan shoots a glance at Fermat but he is oblivious to the conversation happening less than two metres away from him.

“Relax okay. I don’t mean anything like cocaine or ecstasy. Just some over the counter pills that help you concentrate.”

“Like ADHD meds?” Alan inquiries. He has heard of people sometimes taking those.

Jason nodds. “Something like that. Look it’s really not as scary as it sounds. They just make you more alert and cause you to be more productive. So when you’re studying til late or have missed some hours of sleep, you can still have a clear mind. And with a clearer mind you can do your work faster so in the end you will have more time for relaxation. Win-win.”

Alan looks very doubtful at his classmate.

Jason raises his hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It was just a friendly offer. Why don’t you think it over and come back to me?”

Alan nodds. “Okay.” He agreed.

Jason friendly smacks him on his shoulder and stands up from the couch. Alan traces him with his eyes as Jason walks back to his friends. Were they all taking drugs too? He looks back towards Fermat. His best friend had no idea of what had just taken place. Alan then looks down to his lap where his laptop is resting. He should go back to work on his report. But he was so tired! Maybe he really should consider Jason’s offer. If it really is safe, what would be the harm?

\---------------------

“Are you sure this is safe? And where did you get those from?”

Alan and Jason were standing outside by the running tracks. Over the weekend Alan had decided to take Jason up on his offer. He would just take one pill one time and see what will happen. If he doesn’t like it, he would never take one again. He had approached Jason on monday to inform him of his decision. Jason had told him to meet him at the running tracks around five on wednesday. So here they were. Jason was in his PE outfit and covered with sweat since he had been running. When Alan arrived Jason was doing stretches. He had greeted Alan and walked over to his bag, where he retrieved a bottle of water and a strip of pills. There were 30 small pills. He had handed them over

“Dude, relax. It’s a legal drug. Just don’t take too many too often and you’ll be fine. Side effects may include headaches or nausea but you can take aspirin for the headaches and so far I’ve heard no one complain about nausea. Just remember, you’re still in need of sleep so don’t over do it. As for where I get them from. I’ve got connections. But don’t worry, they are not being produced in someone’s garage," Jason joked.

“Okay, do I need to pay you?”

Jason smiled and shaked his head. “No, that’s fine. Those connections of mine can get them cheap and I have to spend my rich-boy allowance on something. Jason slaps Alan on his back. Alright, have fun!”

Back in his dorm Alan was staring at the pills. Fermat was out so he had the space for himself. After about ten minutes he carefully removes one from the strip. He stared at the small yellowish pill between his fingers. It’ll be fine, he told himself. Like Jason said, it’s legal. It’s not going to make him high, just improve his concentration. Besides, he had heard Virgil admit to Scott once, when they thought that they were having a private conversation, that he had taken a cognitive enhancement drug one time during exams. A friend of his had offered it to him. Just like Jason had done to Alan. With that thought, Alan had made up his mind. He took his bottle of water out of his bag and swallowed the pill. Alright, now that that was done, he was going to do some homework before dinner.

A week went by and Alan found out that the pills were great! He took one every day just before dinner and his post-dinner study sessions became far more productive. Not only could he go on longer, he got also more work done and could study twice as hard for tests. However great this was, Alan still found himself being tired in the mornings. During his first two classes, he usually wouldn't soak much up from the lesson. So he decided to take a pill in the morning before his first class as well. He had to be careful with taking them. Making sure no one saw it. It was the most difficult to hide it from Fermat, given that they shared a room. Alan kept the pills in a pocket in his schoolbag. Fermat had no reason to look in there so he figured it would be a safe place. He would take one when Fermat was in the bathroom. Taking a pill in the afternoon was easier. He could always easily find a quiet spot to take one and if he was with someone else, he would just pretend to go to the toilet. Yes he has had a few headaches but like Jason said, they were stopped with some aspirin. Fermat still sometimes looked at him and told him to get more sleep but he just shrugged that of. Said he was fine. And he was. Okay, one time he got really dizzy when he stood up but that was an isolated incident. Nothing to worry about. He couldn’t wait for his family to see his latest school results. Especially his dad. He would show him that he could perform just as well as him and his brothers. Well, maybe not exactly the same but well enough. If he kept this up, he would into a good college, get a nice degree and not let his family down.

What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The third chapter should be up soon. I'm already pretty far with it. 
> 
> P.S. Thanks for leaving kudos.


	3. Chapter 3

Dizziness hit Alan like a truck. He grabbed the chair for support.

“Alan, are you alright?” Fermat asked his friend carefully.

Alan blinked a few times, trying to make the spots he is seeing disappear. He turned his head in the direction where Fermat’s voice came from, however, due to the spots he is not sure if he is looking directly at him. “Yeah I’m fine. Just stood up to quickly. Probably just need some sugar.” Most of the spots had faded by now and he can look his friend in the eye. He tried a reassuring smile to convince him.

Fermat nodded and answered “okay” but doesn’t return the smile.

Alan lets go of the chair and leaves the classroom, Fermat behind him. In an attempt to ease his friends worries, he walks in the direction of the cafeteria towards the nearest vending machine. He selected a bottle of soda. Maybe it will actually help, he thinks to himself. Fermat is still watching him wearily. “Let’s go to the gym. If we’re too late, mister Bourne will make us run extra rounds. With that comment Alan turned and walked towards the locker rooms.

At the end of the P.E. lessons Alan is panting heavily. He is not feeling well. He feels slightly lightheaded and nauseous. He should not have skipped breakfast and taken a pill as supplement. Jason warned him not to overdo it but when he finished his project it was really worth staying up later, which resulted in him skipping breakfast to stay longer in bed. However, he is sure that the few hours less sleep he got, were going to give him a higher grade. And he needed to get an A. Not because his average needed but, well, he just needed it. He pulled the half finished bottle of soda out of his backpack and took a few sips. Luckily, it’s lunchbreak.

“Tracy!” Alan turned around. He and Fermat were on their way to the mess hall for lunch. It’s his history teacher, miss Mackenzie. She walked up to them. “Hi, I wanted to talk with you about your history project if you have the time.”

Alarm bells started ringing in Alan’s head. Was something wrong with it? Did he screw up? Alan nudges Fermat with his elbow. “You go ahead, I’ll join you later.”

With a nodd, Fermat departs and leaves Alan alone with his teacher. Miss Mackenzie gestures toward her classroom. They enter and she sits herself down on top of her desk. “I have just taken a quick look into your work and I was really impressed with it.” She starts out.

Alan releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

His teacher noticed it. “Did you think that I wanted to talk with you about something you did wrong? Do you have a guilty conscience,” she adds teasingly.

Alan looks slightly embarrassed at his shoes. “Kinda. I mean, about me doing something wrong, not the guilty conscience.” As soon as he has said it he realized that that was a lie. In the back of his head he knows what he is doing with the pills is wrong and that he therefore has a guilty conscience.

“Well you didn’t” Miss Mackenzie reassured him again. It’s just that I thought you looked really tired when you handed it in, as a matter of fact you still look tired. And I’ve seen you tired before a couple of times. Is everything okay? Did you put some all nighters in this report? Or is something else going on?”

Shit, okay come up with an excuse. “Uhm, yeah. I worked on it a couple off times till late. But it’s done now.”

“Okay, do you do this more often? It’s always good to strive for the best of your ability but it shouldn’t bring you down.”

“No,” Alan says quickly. “I mean sometimes, with stuff likes this but not always.” Damn why did he admit that? He really needed to get his head straight. Please just let it go, he internalies prays.

Miss Mackenzie looks at him for a few seconds. “Very well, she says then, luckily for you it’s almost spring break so you can recover from your studying.” She smiles at him again.

“Yes, Alan agrees, bye.”

“Bye Alan.” And on that note, Alan left the classroom to salvage what is left of his lunch break. Upon entering the mess hall, Alan searches for Fermat. His eyes stop moving when he sees someone waving at him, Fermat. He walks over to him and as he sits down, Fermat shoves a plate in his direction.

“I already got you something, just in case you would be away the entire break.”

Alan smiles gratefully. “Thanks man” and he digs in.

\-----------

"Alan!"

Alan turns his head in the direction of the sound of his name.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" Fermat looks at his friend with a drop dead serious look on his face.

"Uhm, no I’m sorry. I was a little zoned out." Alan felt like shit, and right now he had to climb a flight of stairs to get to his lesson. He took a deep breath and tried to focus and keep his head clear. Maybe he should have eaten more during lunch. He had started feeling a little nauseous halfway through and hadn’t finished it.

Fermat doesn’t respond to Alan’s comment. Great, now he pissed off and insulted his best friend. He will apologize again once he is sitting down and doesn’t need everything he has to keep walking straight. He was halfway through the stairs when his vision started to blur. At the top he was seeing spots and can barely see where he is walking towards. His bag was hanging heavily from his left shoulder. He felt lightheaded and tried to breath in deeply but that hurt his chest. He bumped into someone and was knocked out of his way. He distantly heard “sorry” but didn’t see from who. The sudden movement had made him dizzy and he is standing unsteadily on his feet. As he tries to keep straight he bumped into someone else. Probably Fermat since he was walking next to him and he thinks that's him who’s saying his name. He took two more steps before his vision went completely black and he collapsed on the floor.

From somewhere in the distance Alan can hear some noises, he thinks it are voices. He feels something touching his arm and slightly shaking him. Slowly his brains dragged itself back from the deep black hole it had fallen in and towards consciousness. When he finally managed to tear his eyelids apart, his vision appears blurry. He blinks a few times and is able to see more clearly. 

“Hey Alan, can you hear me?” The voice came from above and sounded familiar. He eyes go in search of the source of the voice and find mister Fletcher, one of the physics teachers. 

“Yes”, Alan managed to bring out. Suddenly, he is aware of the fact that he is lying on the floor in the hallway and a bunch of other students are looking at him. Feeling self conscious he pushed himself up. The grip on his arm tightens. 

“Wow, easy. Don’t push yourself”. As soon as he has pushed himself off the floor and is sitting upright, his vision start to blur again and the black spots reappear. He sways a little. His other side is being grabbed as well to support him. 

“Are you okay”. 

“Yes”, Alan brings out with a lot of effort. He blinks a few times to clear his vision, it’s slowly improving. While trying to focus he hears mister Fletcher tell the other kids to go to their classes. Alan is unsure of what to do, or what he can do for that matter and just kept sitting on the floor. Trying to stay calm. Mister Fletcher had released on hand but his right hand is still on Alan’s left shoulder for support. When all the kids have cleared out, with the exception of Fermat, the physics teacher turned his attention back to Alan. 

"Do you think you can stand?"

Alan nodds. With some support he stands up. As soon as he stands his head started to feel really heavy. 

“Alright, let’s get you to the nurses’ office."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a while but the charger of my laptop died and it took three bloody weeks for it to be delivered. Anyway, it was delivered today and posting a new chapter was a priority so here it is.

Alan is sitting on one of the beds in the infirmary waiting for him to be told that he can go. After he arrived mister Fletcher and Fermat had explained what had happened. Alan just stood there, wishing he could be alone in his room. The nurse had done a neurocheck, taken his blood pressure, and asked him some questions as to what could be the cause of him passing out. Alan tried to stay vague which only resulting in the nurse thinking he had head trauma. So he just told her that he was really tired and hadn’t slept all that much in the last days. It wasn’t a lie, just not the whole story.

“Alan”. Alan turned his head towards the nurse who had approached him without him noticing. She held out a phone. "Your father wants to talk to you."

Alan was really thankful that he wasn’t hooked up to a heart monitor because his blood pressure went through the roof. He nervously accepted the phone. The nurse walked away to give him some privacy. Alan put the phone to his ear. “Hello”.

“Alan, hey, are you alright”? His dad sounded worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine”. Alan tried to sound as relaxed as he could. “I don’t know what they told you but I’m sure they made it sound worse than it actually is”.

“Alan, don’t play hero, what happened?”

Alan was unsure of what to say, so he just asked: “what did the nurse tell you?”

His father sighs, “just that you passed out, probably from being tired."

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. I walked up the stairs and I didn’t feel so good and passed out.”

It’s quiet on the line for a few seconds.

“Son, I need you to be straight with. You’re being very vague and weird. What happened?”

“What the nurse said, I passed out because I’m tired.”

“How are you feeling now?” His father pressed.

“Er, fine, I guess. Little tired.”

“What did the nurse say?”

“She couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Blood pressure was a little off but nothing extreme. She told me to take it easy. I’m still in the infirmary right now, I haven’t been told that I can leave yet.”

“Okay, look, I’m in New York right now, just finished a board meeting and I coming your way to take you to a doctor. Maybe take you home with me.”

“What! Dad, that's not necessary!”

“You passed out, that’s not okay. I want to know why and how to prevent it from happening again. I also want you properly checked out. You could have hit your head when you fell.”

“The nurse already checked that, I didn’t head my head.”

“Alan, don’t argue with me on this. I’ll be there tonight. Until then, I don’t want to be alone. In case something happens again. Understood?”

Now it was Alan's turn to sigh. “Yes”, he answers.

\-------------------

There was a knock on the door. Alan looked up from his maths homework. The door opened and his father walked in. He quickly walked towards Alan’s bed, sat down next to him and gave him a hug. He pulled back and looked at his son with a serious face. “How are you doing”.

Alan rolled his eyes. “How often are you going to ask me that?”

“Until I know for sure you are okay”, his father responded drop dead serious. “I talked with the school”, he continues, “and you’re coming home with me”.

“Dad”, Alan started to protest. His father cut him off. “This is not open for discussion. I made an appointment with a doctor tomorrow morning and I booked us a hotel for tonight. Your vacation is just going to start a little earlier.”

“Can’t Virgil just check me out when we get home? I don’t want to go to a doctor.”

“We only have limited resources on the island.”

Alan raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn't exactly call our infirmary limited.”

“Alan stop.” His father sounded irritated. “Go pack your bag, we are leaving in half an hour.”

\---------------

Meeting the doctor wasn’t as bad as Alan thought it would be. The doctor did pretty much the same things and asked the same questions as the school nurse had done. Alan sticked to his story that he was just tired and had missed some hours of sleep in the past week. His father hadn’t said a lot. He had asked the doctor what to do with him. To which the doctor had replied with that Alan had to take it easy, get some sleep and that someone should keep an eye on him to see if later on any symptoms would show of there being something wrong. Alan had no doubt in his mind that his father would do just that. He turned his head towards the window of the plane. All he could see was ocean.

“Alan, we are landing soon”. His father called from the cockpit.

“Okay,” he replied.

\-----------

Scott was waiting for them in the hangar. As soon as they got out of the plane he walked up to them. Before Alan could say anything Scott had him wrapped up in a hug. "Hey kid, how are you?" He asked. "Fine", Alan muffled against Scott’s shirt. Scott released him. He turned his head towards their father. "How was the flight?". "It went smooth". Jeff replied. "The rest is inside, let’s go", Scott commanded them as he grabbed Alan’s duffle bag and hoisted it on his shoulder.

The rest of the evening went fairly smoothly. Alan had to tell what happened again to all his brothers and of course they had a lot of questions. Especially Virgil. But in the end they let it go and had a relaxed dinner together. Afterwards, Alan had gone up to his room. There, he sat down behind his desk. He rests his head on his arms. He was tired and thinking clearly was difficult. He needs to stay clear minded. If he is going to act odd, his father will never let it go. Should he take a pill? It’s kind of what got him in this mess in the first place but he needs it to get through the evening. After a few more minutes of doubting he takes out his pill bottle out of his bag. He had safely stashed it in a pair of socks. Just in case. He takes one out and swallows it with a glass of water from his bathroom. Having returned to his desk, he takes out some of his school books. He was halfway through his physics homework when there was a knock on his door and Gordon came in. He frowned at Alan. "Are you seriously making homework right now? It couldn’t wait one day?"

Alan shrugged. "I don’t want to fall behind. Otherwise I’ll be spending my entire vacation catching up".

"Yeah, but you’re at home sick, sort of. If I were you I would have taken this excuse to do absolutely nothing."

Alan just shrugged again. "Yeah, well, I’m fine. All of this is completely unnecessary".

"Even better, a free vacation!"Gordon cheered. "We’re gonna start a movie downstairs".

In the way Gordon said it, he expected Alan to come with him. Alan looked back down at his homework. No way he could tell Gordon he wasn’t coming without raising alarm bells. So he closed his books and stood up. Colourful spots started to appear in his vision. Shit, not now! Alan mentally curses. He starts walking towards the door and hopes the spots will go away but they get worse. Alan takes a deep breath and tries to stay focussed. Due to his decreased vision and the room slightly turning, he bumps into Gordon, stumbles and would have fallen to the ground if Gordon hadn’t grabbed him.

"Wow, easy, are you okay?" Using Gordon as support, Alan takes a few deep breaths and waits for his vision to clear. "Dude, what’s happening?" Gordon pressed.

"I’m fine, just a little dizzy". And nauseous, he mentally adds.

"Okay", Gordon responded while guiding his younger brother to the bed. "You wait here", he tells him, "while I go get Virg and dad".

"Gordon, no that-" but he is cut of when Gordon has already left his bedroom. Well there was nothing to do but wait for this next disaster.

Jefferson Tracy walked with quick determined steps into his youngest son’s room followed by Virgil, Scott and Gordon. Jeff spotted his son on the bed and briskly walked over to him. He kneeled in front of Alan. "What happened".

"Nothing", Alan replied.

"Cut the crap, tell me what’s going on right now". Virgil placed a hand on his father’s shoulder.

"Maybe you should let me do this?" He gently suggested. With a sigh and one more look at his youngest child, Jeff stood up and took a step back. Virgil took his placed and knelt down in front of Alan. Gordon and Scott remained positioned by the door. Virgil, who had brought a medical bag, took out a penlight and looked straight at Alan. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Alan brought everyone up to speed. "I stood up and started to feel a little dizzy and stumbled into Gordon". Jeff looked at Gordon for confirmation, who nodded. "I probably stood up to quickly. I’m tired, jetlag." Alan added, trying to save himself.

Virgil put away the penlight and placed two fingers on Alan’s wrist to take his pulse. "I want to take a blood sample", he announced.

This was the last thing Alan wanted. "Now?" He managed to bring out.

Virgil released his wrist and looked his brother in the eye. "Yes now, it will only take minute." Alan looked up to his father, who stared back at him with a look of agreement on his face. In was that look on his father's face that made him realise that he could not talk his way out of this. "Can’t we do it tomorrow?"

Virgil frowned. "Taking the test tomorrow morning before breakfast does provide more accurate results."

"Okay" Jeff agreed.

Alan carefully released the breath he was holding. That might be enough time to get the drug enough out of his system for it not to show up in the results. The room fell silent for a few seconds. "So, are we gonna watch that movie or what?" Gordon bluntly cut the silence.

That actually made Alan smile a little. Gordon hates silences and always broke them in his very unsubtle way.

"You boys go ahead, I still need to talk to John" Jeff's reply came. He took one more look at Alan and walked out of the room. Gordon and Scott followed.

Virgil, who was still positioned in front of Alan stood up. "Are you coming or do want to go to bed?" Alan hesitated.

"I think I’ll join. It’s too early to go to bed."

"Yeah, but if you’re tired."

"I’ll quicker adjust to the different time zone if I stay up a little longer."

Virgil Nodded. "Okay." And together they left the bedroom to join their brothers.


	5. Chapter 5

There was a knock on the door. “Alan, you awake?”. It was Virgil. His reply came in the form of an irritated groan. Alan had spent the better part of the night lying awake from stress. Terrified of the results that would come from the blood test. He had looked up online if there were ways to quickly get drugs out of your system. One site said that drinking a lot would help. So he drank a lot of water and then ended up going to the toilet five times. Eventually, exhaustion had taken over between 4 and 5 am. That was, until he was awakened by the knock on the door.

While Virgil opened the door, Alan grabbed his phone to check the time. 9.07. “Since when are you up so early?” Alan asked groggy.

Virgil raised on eyebrow. “Everytime I have something to do that requires me to leave my bed before noon.”

Alan had put down his phone again and laid back on his bed on his stomach with his face in his pillow. “Noon sounds great.”

“Too bad, we’re doing this now” Virgil ordered. He then proceeded to rip the duvet of his youngest brother and smacked him on his thigh. “Get up sleeping beauty.”

Alan groaned again before he rolled over and got off his bed. As he walked towards the door he took a deep breath to try to settle the nerves that had returned.

“Don’t you want to change first?” Virgil offered.

Alan looked down at the shirt that was one size too big and the tracksuit shorts he uses as pajamas. Alan shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

Having arrived in the infirmary, Virgil padded one of the beds. “Get on”.

Alan reluctantly set down on it. He anxiously watched Virgil prepare a syringe and put on a pair of sterile gloves. He tried his best not to show his discomfort.

Virgil came over and used one hand to press Alan down against the raised head of the bed. Alan knew the drill and obliged. When Virgil attached a tourniquet to his arm, Alan couldn’t help but take a shaky breath. Virgil noticed. The second eldest Tracy frowned and looked up. “You’re usually not this afraid of needles.

Alan shrugged. “We all got a flu shot at Warton’s. The nurse that did mine wasn’t very skilled because it hurt like hell.” The lie was partly true. There had been a flu shot but it hadn’t hurt.

Virgil smiled, “don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

Alan managed a weak smile. Virgil picked up the needle and as promised inserted it gently. The test tube steadily filled with blood as Alan stared at it intensely. Within 10 seconds it was full. With practised ease, Virgil removed the syringe and pressed some gauze on the entry wound. “Hold that” he commanded.

Alan obediently held the gauze in place with his right hand. After putting the test tube away, Virgil returned to Alan to replace the loose gauze with a bandage. “Alright, all done” he smiled at the blonde.

\-----------

Alan walked around restlessly in his room. He tried to go to the kitchen and have breakfast while pretending everything was fine but he couldn’t relax because of what the results of the blood test might be. Or actually, most likely will be. No way that those pills completely disappeared out of his system after about twelve hours. The anxiety made it hard to eat and after Scott had left the kitchen, Alan had dumped what was left of it in the garbage can. He then went back to his room, tried to get some schoolwork done but found it impossible to concentrate. So he grabbed his headphones and headed to the gym.

Half an hour later he got off the treadmill all sweaty. The running had actually helped. He could have a shower but a dive in the pool sounded more alluring. When he arrived at the pool, he stripped off his shirt, shoes and socks. Using his running shorts as a supplement to swimming trunks, he dived in the pool. The water felt amazingly refreshing and for a moment Alan forgot all about the pills, his schoolwork, and the blood test. He stayed under for as long as he could.

When he broke the surface of the water, he found his father standing at the edge of the pool. The ex-astronaut smiled at him. “Just came to see how you are doing.”

Alan smiled back. “I’m still fine.” He swam back to the edge of the pool and smoothly pushed himself out of the water.

Jeff’s facial expression became more serious as he handed his son a towel. “Have you had any more dizzyspells?”

The wet teenager accepted the offer and wiped his face dry with it before looking back at his father. “No, not since last night.”

Jeff kept looking at him before a frown appeared on his face. “Why aren’t you wearing swimming shorts?”

Alan looked down at his legs. “Oh, I was in the gym on the treadmill and decided to take a dive instead of a shower.” Alan started grinning. “And I thought I would spare you the sight of me skinny dipping.”

The joke was cut short by the serious, slightly angry face of the Tracy patriarch. “You went to the gym for a workout? Alone?”

Alan became confused. “Yeah, I have done that a million times before. What the hell is wrong with that?”

Jeff sighed irritable and pinched the bridge of his nose before answering. “The problem is, he started with a raised voice, that you could have passed out again and fallen of the treadmill. You could have seriously hurt yourself and no one would have known you were down there.”

Even though he thought his father was exaggerating, he hadn’t considered any of this at all.

Unfortunately, Jefferson Tracy wasn’t done ranting yet. “We have still no idea what happened to you and therefor don’t know what you can currently handle. Beside, the doctor bloody told you to take it easy. Are even trying to take this seriously!”

Alan was getting fed up with the situation. Yes he knew that his father had a point. A small one, he might add, but still a point. However, he also believed that his family was taking him passing out way too seriously. His hand gripped the towel tight in anger and frustration. “There is no need to take it seriously because you are taking it WAY too seriously. I passed out for like three seconds and you are pretending like I had a heart attack! Can’t you just let it friggin go!”

During his youngest child’s tantrum, Jeff had placed his hands on his hips and prepared for war. “I can’t let it go because I don’t trust you! I don’t trust you to tell the truth about how you are because I know that you’re holding something back! People who are perfectly fine don’t just lose consciousness, there is something that you’re not telling me and I intent to find out what that is!”

Despite his father being right, it still hurt to hear that he didn’t trust him. “What makes you so sure that I’m lying to you!”

“Because I know you, Alan! You’re avoiding us which means there is something that you don’t want us to know. And I am not prepared to lose you over it!”

That final comment struck like a grenade. Alan was well aware of the fact that his father became very protective of his family after having lost his wife and that protectiveness was reinforced by the events of the previous spring break when the Hood had invaded and almost killed all of them. What Alan wasn’t aware off was how strong those feelings actually were. He realised now that his father wasn’t angry with him. Okay, maybe he was a little angry but mostly he was just scared of losing another family member. Jeff Tracy is a man that is used to being in control. He was in control during his space missions as an astronaut, he is the CEO of a company, and the leader of International Rescue. He knew at all times what was going on and what would me the best action to take next. Alan had deprived him off that control by shutting him out. This left Jeff frustrated and anxious because now he didn’t know what to do next. In some situations, if you don’t know what to do next or make the wrong choice, it costs lives. Alan had learnt that the hard way during last year's spring break.

Both men just stood there for a few moments next to the pool. The silence came with a immense awkward pressure and Alan couldn’t look his father in the eyes. He considered for a moment to confess everything to his father but he couldn’t do it. He loosened his grip on the towel and fumbled with it in his hand.

The awkward situation ended with Jeff crossing his arms over his chest again. The next words he spoke were much softer but still in the same angry tone. “Just go to your room. I’m done trying.”

Alan was still unable to look his father in the eyes. So he adjusted his grip on the towel and walked back towards the villa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that escalated quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

The tennis ball bounced off the wall, to the floor, back into Alan’s hand. He had been sitting there on the ground against his bed for God knows how long. Just bouncing the ball off the wall. Obviously, all Tracy island residents had heard the throwdown between the oldest and youngest Tracy. Scott had come to try to talk to him but Alan had told him to piss off.

Wall. Floor. Hand. This routine kept repeating itself until it was interrupted by a single knock on the door. Alan caught the ball in his hand as the door opened. Jeff walked into his son’s room with a neutral expression on his face. He didn’t say anything. He simply walked in and stood still in front of the wall where Alan has been bouncing his ball off, directly opposite Alan but with some space between them. The extremely neutral expression and calm with which his father had entered the room, informed Alan that his father was anything but calm but trying very hard to keep it together. Alan avoided making eye contact by wrapping his arm around his bend legs and staring at his socks. After a few seconds his father took a deep breath and very calmly asked: “is there anything you want to tell me?”

Alan bit his lip to remain calm. He knew what was going on. The results of the blood test had come back and he knew exactly what they said. When he didn’t receive a response, Jeff pressed. “Well?”

“What’s the point?” Alan replied emotionless. “I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know.”

“I’d still like to hear it from you.” There was some anger in his tone.

Alan closed his eyes for a moment. “I’ve been taking pills to help me study.”

Jeff didn’t reply which left Alan waiting and bracing himself for the rain of fire that was most likely coming. He wasn’t disappointed.

“I don’t even know where to start!” Jeff yelled. “I want to know what you have been taking, how long, and where you got them from! So stop staring at the floor and start talking!”

Despite his father’s command, Alan kept his gaze fixed on the floor. He did, on the other hand, start talking. “I‘ve only been taking them for two weeks.”

“And what might that be?”

Alan opened his mouth to answer but then realised that he couldn’t answer the question. Jason had never said which drug specifically he had given him. How stupid is that? His father was not going to be pleased with this answer.

“Alan” his father warned. “I don’t know” Alan softly responded.

“Excuse me?!”

“It’s a type of cognitive enhancement drug, like ADHD meds. But I don’t know exactly what it is.”

“Jesus Christ, Alan. Do you have any idea how dangerous and stupid that is!”

“I didn’t think about th-“

“ Yes it’s obvious you weren’t thinking. You could have gotten something illegal or faulty.”

Now Alan looked up. “No, they’re legal and safe.”

“SAFE!” You passed out!”

Now Alan was getting tired off his father ranting to him about things he didn’t know the first thing about and anger started to rise. He had been careful and was aware of what he was doing and he was going to let his father know that. “I may not have known what exactly I was taking but I knew that they are non-addictive and what the possible side effects could be and I watched out for those!”

“How can you know that?” “Because Ja- because I asked for that information before I took them!”

“Sure, because drug dealers are always reliable people!”

“He is not a drug dealer! I didn’t even pay him!”

“So someone just gave you drugs for free?”

“Yes!”

Jeff didn’t respond but simply placed his right hand briefly against his face and took a deep breath. In a much softer voice he continued. “Where are they?”

Alan started staring at the floor again.

“Where are they?!” His voice had risen again. “And don’t trust think I’m naive enough to believe that you didn’t bring them with you.” Alan still didn’t respond. “Alan I mean it. I will tear this room apart.”

After a few more tense seconds, Alan walked over to his desk without making eye contact with his father. He opened the top drawer beneath the desk and reached to the back of it. Slowly he pulled the pill bottle out. Then he turned towards his father who was growing impatient. Still avoiding eye contact. He stretched his arm towards his father, who took two steps towards him and snatched the bottle out of his hand. Jeff turned the bottle around in his hands in search of a label which would reveal the identity of the drug. Not finding anything he tightly clenched it in his and pointed a finger firmly towards his son. “You stay here.” With that final order, he turned around and left the bedroom.

\----------------------

There was no way in hell Alan was going to listen to his father. Besides he couldn’t just calmly wait in his room for his father to come back to murder him. So he had left his bedroom via his balcony. He had checked to see if the coast was clear before he had climbed towards his freedom. After a awkward landing that ended with a skinned knee, Alan was now walking through the jungle. Sneaking out wasn’t going to help his father’s anger but could he possibly get any madder than he currently already was?

Upon arriving at the beach, he sat himself down in the sand. He grabbed his earplugs out of his pocket put them in. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there. Listening to music and staring at the waves, when he noticed the sky filling with dark clouds up ahead. Great, it was going to rain. He’d better get a move on if he didn’t want to get soaked. He stood up and slapped the sand off his shorts.

When he started nearing the villa, he found himself slowing his pace, reluctant to go back and face the music. Unfortunately, the balcony was a one way street. He couldn’t get back in his room that way. Which meant that he no choice but to go through the villa to reach his room. He was working on a strategy to reach his room without bumping into someone when he arrived at the pool.

“You are so dead!”

Alan recognised Gordon’s voice and looked up. Gordon was standing next to the pool with towel. His hair was still dripping water. Virgil was sitting on one of the sun launchers with his laptop. He had looked up too when he heard Gordon speak and both brothers were now staring at their youngest sibling. Technically Gordon was smiling but it wasn’t his usual cheerful smile. There was something serious about it. Virgil had it too. That could only mean one thing, his dad had told them.

Alan didn’t know what to do or say. He just knew that he didn’t want another lecture so he just shrugged and mumbled “whatever” and continued on his way to the villa.

“I’d avoid dad’s office.” Gordon called after him.

If Jeff was in his office, Alan could easily reach his room without him noticing and with Virgil and Gordon at the pool, that only left Scott to look out for. He had almost made it to his room. Just before he reached the door, Scott came out of his. Scott gave him a slight surprised look. Alan stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Before he could dart into his room, Scott had grabbed his arm.

“Not so fast, squirt. You wanna tell me what you have been doing for the past two hours? Does dad know you’re back?”

Alan tried to shrug Scott’s hand off but his brothers grip was persistent. “I’ve already had two yelling matches with dad today, don’t feel like another one.”

“Then don’t. Why don’t you calmly tell me what has been going on?”

Alan doubted for a moment. Scott was usually easier to talk to than his father, so he gave in and nodded. Scott released his arm and the two of them entered the bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

Both brothers sat down on the bed. Alan at the head and Scott opposite of him at the end of the bed. Alan didn’t really know what to say or where to start, so he waited for Scott to make the first move. Scott gave his little brother a few moments to do things on his own terms but then he realized that Alan what waiting for him to take the first step.

“So, when did all off this start?”

“A few weeks ago.”

“What happened?”

That’s when Alan told Scott the whole story. How he had been giving his schoolwork everything he got and the late nights he had been putting in. That a classmate had noticed his struggle and made him the offer. Alan made sure to leave the identity of said classmate a mystery. He didn’t want Jason to get into trouble. He was a mate and he didn’t want to snitch on him. He carefully explained to Scott his motivation that had led him to make the decision to start taking the pills. Although Alan knew that Scott, or his father for that matter, wouldn’t accept any excuse for him taking drugs, he just wanted to make sure Scott knew he hadn't taken the situation lightly and that he wasn’t as stupid as everyone was currently thinking. When he arrived at the part of the story where he passed out, he reluctantly explained that it was mostly likely caused by the lack of sleep and the skipped breakfast. The fact that side-effects of the medication included dizziness probably hadn’t helped the situation.

“That’s about it.” Alan awkwardly closed off his story. It had started raining halfway through his story and the rain was providing a soft background noise.

Scott hadn’t said much throughout Alan’s monologue. He had asked for some extra details a few times. Like who exactly it was that made Alan the offer. Which he didn’t receive for. Scott looked at his brother. “Have you taken any after you passed out?”

Alan did not like that question. “One” he fearfully for Scott’s reaction admitted.

Scott internally counted to ten. “Why on earth would you do that?” He had tried his best to stay calm but he couldn’t help the mild raise in his voice towards the end of the sentence.

Alan pulled further away from him as a result and started staring at the bedsheets. Great! Scott thought. He is pulling away. Don’t make the same mistake dad always does. So in a much calmer tone he asked: “When did you take one?"Alan didn’t respond. He’s probably afraid I’m going to explode even more, Scott concluded. “Alan I’m not going to yell at you. So can you please answer the question?”

Alan’s gaze remained fixed on the sheets. “Yesterday after dinner.”

“Why?”

Alan shrugged and looked up. After concluding that his eldest brother didn’t look like he was about to explode he answered. “I was really stressed and couldn’t think clearly. They help with that, so I took one.”

“That explains the dizzy spell you had.”

“I know that it was a bad idea because they got me in this mess in the first place but I was just really stressed about dad and the pills and my schoolwork.”

Scott tilted his head a little and processed all the information that he had been given. “You mentioned a few times that you were stressed. You have that a lot?”

That was not something Alan wanted to dive into. He felt like he had shared enough for now. However knowing that Scott would not let it go, especially if he were to avoid answering the question he responded with a bit too casual “I don’t know, sometimes.” He needed to change the subject. “When did dad tell you?”

Thankfully Scott went along and didn’t press him further on the subject “He didn’t. We kind of heard you to shout about it.”

Alan looked away embarrassed.

“Virgil already knew because he had checked the results of the blood test. He had to tell dad, poor guy. Anyway, when Gordon and I heard you two, Virgil filled us in. Dad talked to us afterwards. Told us what you told him.”

“How’d the others react?”

“Well Virgil, being a medical professional, is not happy with you. Gordon doesn’t think it that much of a big deal. Dad didn’t take that well.”

That final comment made Alan smirk. “And John?”

Scott frowned. “I don’t know if dad told him. He wasn’t on comms when he talked to us.”

“And you?”

Scott took a moment to answer. “I definitely agree with that dad that it was really stupid and you’re _going_ to quite. That’s not up for discussion.” Scott shot a look at the door and leaned in towards Alan. In a softer voice he continued. “However, I may think that dad is overreacting just a tiny bit.”

Alan was slightly surprised by that. “Really?” Scott straightened up. “Again, I think you did a really dumb thing, especially since you didn’t know what you where taking but it’s not like you were taking cocaine.”

“Why can’t dad see that?”

Scott thought for a moment. “I think it’s because it could have gone terribly wrong. You don’t know what you are taking. Whoever gave you the pills could have given you something seriously dangerous.”

Alan pulled his knees up to his chest. Scott noticed the skinned knee his little brother had. He pointed at it. “How’d that happen?”

Alan grimaced. “I kinda fell a little when I climbed of the balcony.” That caused Scott to burst out in laughter. “It’s not funny, it really burned.” That just caused his big brother to laugh even harder.

“Ahhh, poor baby. Do you need me to get Virgil to take a look at it?” He teasingly remarked.

Alan grabbed his pillow and thrusted it to Scott’s head. The attack was in vain because Scott snatched the pillow out of the air with his trained reflexes. He did stop laughing though. “So what now?” Alan wondered out loud.

“I think it’s best if I talk to dad this time. The two of you never really seemed to have learned the delicate art of conversation.”

Alan pulled a sour face. “He just always overreacts so quickly! And he never listens!”

Scott smiled. “Well, you take after him.”

Alan kicked Scott in his thigh. “No I don’t!”

“What was it you said about overreacting quickly again?”

Alan was glaring daggers at the former air force pilot.


	8. Chapter 8

Scott opened the door to his father’s office. Jeff looked up from his desk. “Alan is back.” Scott casually dropped. Jeff’s face immediately got serious and he put down the tablet he was holding.

“Where is he?”

“In his room. We talked.”

Jeff raised an eyebrow at that and leaned back in his chair. “Well?” He urged his first born when Scott didn’t provide further information.

Scott stepped fully into the office and closed the door. He then took a seat opposite of his father’s desk. After taking a deep breath, Scott relayed the entire story to his father.

When Scott stopped speaking, Jeff crossed his arms. “Who is this kid that gave Alan the pills?”

“He wouldn’t say.”

“Does he now?”

Neither men said anything for a few seconds. Jeff was playing with a pen in his right hand. Scott figured that if he wanted to help his youngest brother, he should probably say something now before Jeff would storm off for another ‘conversation’ with Alan. Scott shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Look I’m fully aware that what he did was stupid and he could have ended up in the hospital.”

“He did.” Jeff intervened.

“Yeah, ‘cause you took him there.”

“Excuse me!?”

Scott realised he had spoken a little too freely. He raised his hands. “What I mean is that I get that your pissed and I agree with you. However I also think that you may be blowing the situation a little out of proportion.”

“You do?” Jeff sounded more surprised than angry.

“He did really think it through, it wasn’t an impulsive decision. And he took them for school, not because he wanted to party. Also I-” Scott stopped mid sentence. He wasn’t sure how to phrase this next part.

“What is it, Scott? I really need you to tell me everything right now.”

Scott sighed. “I’m going on a hunch here but I think that Alan is pretty freaked out himself about all this and he mentioned that he was stressed a lot. Mostly about school. And I just think, you know, if he is so stressed out about school he resorts to taking drugs”, Scott momentarily raised his hands, “maybe we should talk to him about that. Instead of yelling at him.”

Jeff rubbed his face and leaned forward in his chair. He looked Scott directly in his eyes. “Did he say that? Did he say that he took them because of stress?”

Scott thought back to the conversation. “He said that he was stressed because of the amount of schoolwork he had to do and wanted to do it well. Get good grades. When I pressed him for more information he shut down.”

“I’ve never heard him mention anything about problems at school. Why wouldn’t he tell someone?” Jeff wondered out lout.

Scott shrugged. “He’s a teenager. He wants to be independent, prove that he’s not a kid anymore.”

“Why does he always have to make things so complicated?”

Scott smiled. “There are different theories.”

His father smiled back.

Scott just realized something. “Hey, did you tell John yet?”

“No, not yet. I wanted to wait until Alan came back. John needs to stay alert up in 5 and I didn’t want him to worry unnecessarily.” Jeff explained.

“Maybe you should let Alan tell him, if he wants to.” Scott suggested.

Jeff vaguely nodded but didn’t say anything. Outside the sun started to set and soft orange light entered the office through the large windows. Scott placed his hands on the armrests of the chair. “Anyway, that was all I had to say.” He pushed himself up en headed to the door.

Scott found Alan and Gordon in the kitchen. Alan was feeding himself with leftovers from the dinner he had missed while Gordon was cleaning out an ice cream container. Alan was grinning and Gordon had a smug look on his face. Scott figured that he had probably just told Alan one of his stupid jokes. Alan looked at Scott when he saw him enter the kitchen. His grinning faded. “Did you talk to dad?”

Scott set himself down on a stool next to Gordon and opposite Alan. “I did.”

Alan waited a few seconds for Scott to elaborate. Scott on the other hand ignored the piercing look from his two youngest brothers and instead took Alan’s glass of juice and drank half of it.

“And?!” Alan demanded when Scott put the glass back down.

Scott crossed his arms and leaned on the table. “I told him what you told me. He wanted to know who gave you the pills. I said you wouldn’t say, he didn’t like that, so expect him to come back on that. Aside from that, I think he took what I said pretty well. I think he’s going to keep an open mind to your side of the story.”

Alan didn’t look convinced.

“You know, a lot of his angry is actually just him worrying about you. I was there when he got the call from Wharton’s that you had passed out and was currently in the infirmary. He really freaked. He just doesn’t express his worries very well.”

“Yeah, kinda like you.” Gordon directed at Alan.

Alan threw his fork down. “You too?” he exclaimed.

Scott chuckled.

Virgil decided to walk into the kitchen at that moment. He stopped in front of Alan. Alan was unable to read his brother and had no idea what to expect. He just eyed Virgil warily. Virgil took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?”

Huh, he didn’t expect that. “Uhm, I guess so” Alan carefully answered.

Before he could say anything else Virgil embraced him in a hug, held him for a few seconds and let go. Alan was slightly startled by this and therefor didn’t see Virgil’s right hand coming in to mildy smack him on the back off his head.

“Don’t take drugs and then run off again!” Virgil yelled as he put his hands on his hips. “Dad was freaking out, thinking that you were somewhere overdosing. And when dad is freaking out, this villa becomes very small!”

Alan just dumbly stared at Virgil before directing his gaze at Scott and Gordon in the hope for support. Gordon looked back with a serious face and pointed his spoon in Virgil’s direction. “That is most certainly true, it’s at times like these that I envy John.”

Virgil sat down next to Alan. The teenager rubbed his head where Virgil had hit him.

“You could have just said that.”

Virgil shook his head. “I also had to tell dad that you are taking drugs. You owed me.”

Alan pushed his almost finished plate away and rested his head on top of his arms with his face down. “Can we please stop talking about the stupid pills for five minutes?” He had a feeling Virgil had a few questions and he really didn’t feel like answering them right now.

Scott clapped him on his back. “Sure, buddy.”

Alan lifted his head.

“Yes,” Gordon agreed, “we’ll continue in five.”

Alan’s face dropped.

Scott elbowed Gordon. “He’s joking.” He firmly stated.

“Isn’t he always?” Virgil inquired.

“Well someone has to lighten to mood around here from time to time.” Gordon defended himself.

“How is telling bad jokes lightening the mood?”

“My jokes aren’t bad! You have no sense of humor." Gordon turned to Alan. "You like my jokes, right Alan? Tell him.”

Alan, being thankful that the subject of conversation had changed and that no one was currently yelling or angry at him, couldn’t help but smile. “Sure Gordon, you’re hilarious.”

Gordon triumphantly raised his spoon in the air. “See, Alan knows how to appreciate art.”

As Gordon dug his spoon back into the ice cream container, Scott noticed that Alan reverted his gaze to the table and that Virgil’s smile faltered and looked at something behind Scott. Before Scott could ask what was wrong, his question was answered when he heard his father’s voice behind him.

“Can I talk to Alan for a moment, alone?”

“What’s the point? When you two start shouting it doesn’t matter that we’re not in the room with you.” Gordon pointed out.

Scott and Virgil shot him a ‘not now’ look. Alan still stared at the table. He didn’t want his brothers to go but he already heard Virgil get up from his stool. He glanced over at Scott who winked and smiled encouragingly at while he pulled Gordon up from his seat. Way too soon Alan was left alone with his father in the kitchen. Jeff set himself down where Gordon had sat seconds earlier.

“So”, Jeff began, “Scott tells me you’ve been having some problems at school.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may have thought that this day would never come, but it is here. I know it has been a while but I have been a bit busy and had a little writer's block. I hope to update sooner from now on but no promises. All I can say is that I do intent to finish the story. Also many thanks to all the wonderfull comments. I really appreciate them and every single one of them have really made my day!

Alan was honestly confused by that comment. Why would Scott say that? He hadn’t told Scott he had problems at school. Well, not exactly.

Jeff noticed the confusion on Alan’s face and elaborated. “Scott said that you have been stressed a lot lately. Mostly concerning school.”

Alan shrugged but didn’t respond. He had no idea what to say and was partly afraid to say to the wrong thing and have his father scream at him again. Just when Alan was about to answer, Jeff continued, “if you’re having problems I want to know.” He sounded slightly frustrated. Great, he is angry again. Alan thought. But then he thought back to what Scott had said, that most of his father’s anger was just worry. So Alan decided to change tactics and let go of the plan to tell his dad that Scott was misinformed and that he was fine and instead tell him the truth. What did he have to lose at this point? He had tried shrugging his father’s worries off before and that had not worked out very well. Alan clasped his hands together nervously beneath the countertop and slightly raised his head but not enough to look his father directly in the eyes.

“It’s been a tough couple of weeks.” After a few seconds of consideration he added, “months, actually.”

“Alan can you please look at me?” His father gently asked. All the anger and frustration was gone from his voice. Alan looked fully up this time. Jeff’s face was serious but not angry. Upon noticing the discomfort of his youngest child, he softened his facial expression a little.

“Why was it tough? Was it the schoolwork or is something else going on?”

Alan grimaced. “School work”, he reluctantly admitted. He knew his father was waiting for him to elaborate. Screw it, he couldn’t hide the fact that he is a loser forever anyway. He took a deep breath, “it was just a lot and I wanted to do well like everyone else but I can’t and it sucks.”

Now it was Jeff’s time to be confused. “What?”

Alan sighed. “I’ve been trying really hard to get good grades because I don’t want to be the loser of the family but no matter how hard I try, I just always seem to be running behind everyone else. And I’m just so tired and I don’t know what to do anymore. Because if I stop working this hard I’m gonna fail.” Now that Alan had finally said it out loud he felt empty and tired. He couldn’t exactly make out his father’s facial expression but he didn’t care anymore at this point. His father was already disappointed in him, he might as well know precisely how big of a disappointment his youngest son is. Alan was starting to feel the pressure of his father gazing down on him and therefore planted his elbows on the kitchen counter and rested his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry I suck so much.” There, he said it. He apologized for it. Hopefully his father would accept it. He felt a warm strong hand on his left shoulder.

“Alan you don’t suck.” Jeff very seriously stated. “And you’re not a loser.” Alan was not sure how he felt about that. On the one hand he was surprised that his father felt that way. On the other hand he felt very emotional about the statement. He had no idea how badly he had wanted his father to say that to him.

“You’re just saying that because I get good grades now.” Alan grumbled from his arms. “No, I’m not. I’m saying that because you work hard and are dedicated. Those are admirable qualities. You just have to learn to settle for a little less than the stars.” 

Alan sat up straight again. “But if I do that then my grades will drop!” He exclaimed desperately. Why didn’t his father understand that he wasn’t as skilled at school as John or Fermat. Maybe his father just couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of having a failure for a child. Jeff leaned back a little after Alan’s outburst. He raised his hands.

“Look of course I want you to strive to the best of your ability but not at this cost. If the result is that some of your grades drop a little, then that’s okay. With your current grades, you can afford it. I also believe that it is not as dramatic as you think it is. I don’t think your grades will drop that much. You have clearly demonstrated that you have a properly working brain up there. Can you honestly tell me that if you had studied an hour less for a test, that it would have been insufficient?”

Alan shrugged. “Maybe, I just couldn’t afford to take the risk.” He diverted his gaze again to the table top.

“Is that why you took the pills?” Jeff was pretty sure he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from Alan.

“Yes” came the single word reply.

“They helped you study?”

“Yeah, they helped me stay focused and gave me extra energy to stay up longer.”

“Did you think that was a healthy choice?”

Alan considers this. “Not really healthy but not exactly unhealthy either.” He ends up answering.

His father frowned. “Why not unhealthy?”

“Because I knew the pills were safe.”

Jeff pulled a sour face. “Let’s just agree to disagree on that subject.” Alan broke eye contact again. “I was referring more to the late night studies, lake of sleep, and no relaxation. You know that I always try to avoid sending your brothers on too many missions in a row.”

“Yeah but I don’t consider a geography test to be on the same level as saving people from a crashing plane.”

“I do.”

Alan was not expecting that. “Really?”

“Yes they are two completely different things but both drain you from your energy. About a century ago I was in high school too and I still remember how though it could be sometimes.”

Alan appreciated the joke. It made the conversation a bit more lighthearted and him more relaxed.

“But you still haven’t answered the question. Did you think it was okay?”

“Yes, actually", Alan truthfully answered. "I thought I should be able to handle it. Everyone else does the same amount of work. And if I decided to stop earlier for free time, I feel like I’m being lazy.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s healthy or that it’s lazy to respect your limits.”

Upon hearing the word limits, Alan had to do his best to control his facial expression. He knows that he is limited when it comes to studying. He could only wish he could breeze through his work as easily as Fermat. And he most certainly does not appreciate a reminder of that fact.

“Why did you never mention before that you feel this pressure?”

"I just didn’t want to disappoint you.” His answer sounds soft and modest. 

Jeff leans a little forward towards his son. "Alan, I have _always_ been proud of you. Yes somethimes you can be a bit stupid or impulsive, but no more than some of your brothers were at this age. But that’s what I’m for. You’re a kid and bount to do some stupid things and then I yell at you so you learn not to do it again. That doesn’t mean that I am disappointed in you.”

“Oh.” Alan has no idea what else to say. He had never considered any of this.

"Did you really think I was disappointed in you?”

“Yeah.”

“Believe me, I’m not.” Jeff rubbed his face. “Okay, I think we're both tired right now. How about we let it rest for now and make a plan of attack tomorrow?”

Alan nodded. This was a typical Jeff Tracy move. Always make a good, solid plan to solve the problem before jumping into action. He was generally very good at this and it's what made him such a skilled leader of International Rescue.

Jeff stood up from his stool. He walked over to Alan, who was still sitting, and hugged him. Before releasing him, he softly said, “it’s gonna be okay.”

Alan really appreciated the hug. For a while during this day he had believed that his father would never want to hug him again. Jeff released him and ruffled his hair with a soft smile on his face. Then he left the kitchen.


End file.
